Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula

What's it called? Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula (in short, KOF)

What does it do? One of the best single-hitting offensive spells, this spell will summon a varying horde of fire-bunnies which will start crashing and burning into your target. As to their number, it will vary depending on skills; they come in waves, the next one smaller than the previous one; nice methods and offensive should give arround 12 bunnies for the first group. 6 will be the staple at mediocre bonuses, and 4 can come in the worst of cases.
The damage they give is quite small, but adds up (it's one of those 'damage over time' spells), specially if you keep casting other offensive spells on the poor sod or proceed to mergings (that is, casting the spell again while the first cast is still in effect; this will merge the carrots involved -while throwing rabbits, the used carrot floats on top of the victim- and throw out a higher number of bunnies per wave. The danger is that re-casts while many bunnies are already coming out may lead to a failure, and the bunnies attacking the caster).
Two more virtues of the spell are that skills requirements are quite low (meaning it can be cast from early ages, even though it won't do much damage then) and the fact that, once cast, it is unavoidable: your running victim won't be able to elude them or hide while under its effects.
Overall, the spell is very useful, its main setback being the frequent use of carrots needed (and each costs almost a dollar, although they can be harvested for free in some places), that the damage only affects one victim, and over an extended period of time, and that trolls are greatly protected against its fire damage. Actually, the spell *can* be cast on more than 1 person, but it will spend a huge amount of gps (the whole amount used for the spell for each additional victim), cause less damage per head and have a greater chance of miscasting.

Where is it? As would be appropiate for a spell that consists of magically burning and wicked bunnies, it is only fit that it should lie in the charred pages of the Spelles of thee Arte of Fyre grimoire, at the Unseen University Library.

What does it require? A torch and a carrot. This second item is consumed, not so much in the casting as at the end of the bunny-waves, when it flickers out of existence.

What skills do I need? Convoking, Fire, Convoking (2), Fire (2)

Has it worked? The proper output should read something like this:

You prepare to cast Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula on xxx.
You wiggle your eyebrows around a bit.
You think about a nice, big, orange, burning carrot.
You point at xxx.
You ceremonially set fire to the carrot with the torch.
The carrot floats up and hovers above xxx.
X fire bunnies leap out of the ground and throw themselves at xxx.

Help Information:

Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula - A nasty bunny.

Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula is a first/second order offensive spell which summons fire bunnies to attack your targets.

Woddeley's Forgotten Front

So, what where you expecting? Journey of the Heavenly Storm Dragon? I'm not powerful (and mad...) enough to start as yet tickling the Dragon's tail...

I was going to write you about the custom shoes I've ordered (following Aznin's advice), and lament that we don't have that many wizzie customization options for them (would be nice to have some custom ones available at one of the guilds), but as the lazy cobbler still hasn't finished them, I have to find something else to rant about...

As newbie wizards (yes, we've all been that sometime or other...) you may have noticed (even newbies are capable of noticing things; at least, some of them... ) that our famous primer doesn't really inform you about all the skills that might be required of wizardry. From a general overview, one would guess that the magical skills explained are the ones that are most employed by wizards and might not be obvious from their names.

So, what are the skills that don't feature in its pages? Well, going block by block we have:

Elemental: as the name implies, these skills give you mastery over the natural elements (at least, before the invention of the Periodic Table... and in the Counterweight Continent they add strange things like 'wood' and others to them...). One or more of these skills is generally needed in the main offensive and defensive spells of the Disc. All combined, they make lightning for the Spear and Heavenly Dragons for the deadliest (both ways) of Agatean spells.

Air: probably, the most useful skill (with fire), as it is used in Sound and Smell room spells, in the Feathery Reliever, in the uncontrolable urges one and (like most) in Nimbus of Porterage and Weather Butterfly.
Earth: Its specifics are Brass Knuckles, Trollskin (important one), High Enchanting, or Seizing Hands. Only high requirements for the earthquake spell though...
Fire: Pragi and Firebunnies make it the most imporant elemental overall, even though requirements aren't that high for both the spells.
Water: Least useful of elementals. Aside from spells that are very easy or use them all, only the new amulet spell requires it (and at less than 200 bonuses).

Items: not that we use so many... at least those out of Silver Star/Brown range. Scrolls, wands and rings are the staple fare. Some items aren't even used by wizards.

Scroll(s): basic, although less so then for non-wizards who like to portal. Main use is having a personal library for those unfortunate deadly occasions...
Talisman(s): no use for us, except for deluding valuable and esteemed items (and that requires time and patience, but no wizardly magic)

Held:

Wand: probably the most useful of these, thinking on top level wands, like balsa, or low level but handy ones, like pickling sticks. Great variety of 'em too.
Rod: Marginal, it is a requirement for the top Star spell: Wonker's rubber weapon turning.
Staff: Mainly useless (someday they might re-discover staves with knobs though). Red staff (firebunnies thrower). Primary for all wizards.
Broom: out of our sphere, except for sweeping ash.

Worn:

Amulet: Flambardie's Grim Amulet requires a small amount of skill in it...
Ring: Quite useful, not so much in magic casting (still, there's the weather rings) as in using the Pink and specially the Blue rings (get out of danger).

We could also include the subsets of magic.spells and magic.points if we liked, and in that case, we'll see that their inmediate use isn't as obvious as the preceding ones.

Magic Spells: primaries for all, methinks; they are the staple fare of every wizard.

Offensive: mainly determines the damage capacity of your spells.
Defensive: same, but referred to duration and solidity of magical defenses.
Misc: same, but related to the subset of general, unclasifiable spells ('miscellany').
Special: determines mindspace (generally, you have to add your bonus + 30).

Magic Points: determines the maximum guild points you may spend on magical castings. In this case, it is your bonus + 50.

Out of the magic skills branch there's still two or three habilities which an all-spell casting wizard has to master up to a point (they are generally crafts skills and primaries for the Silver Stars):

Smithing: you know, foundry stuff. Nothing too fancy, though...

Gold: always handy for weather rings, rubbery turnings and detections galore, as well as for fixing your blorpled jewellery.

Carpentry: magical-wise, it does have some marginal uses, those being:

Turning: for detections and charms
Whittling: for sparkling staves and charms

Points: for repairing stuff or playing music, making pottery, etc... Now it isn't used for any spell I know of (even though it is still a Silver Star primary...).

Jorodin's Magnificent Communicator

What's it called? Jorodin's Magnificent Communicator(in short, JMC)

What does it do? Jorodin's turns any item of your choice into a full working talker, with a new line added to the item: ''Just beneath the surface, you can make out what looks like a pair of glittering eyes'. The help file gives a more flourishing description, as you'll see below, but that's the stuff.
Because Jorodin the shop-owner can turn the items you give him to talkers for the meagre sum of one dollar, the spell only has anecdotal value and use.

Where is it? Spellcheck Project's entry described a supposed tome, the 'Thyn Aire' book, where it could be found. If this was so in the past, it doesn't seem so now, as I've never found such a book in any of the libraries. The only present way to find the spell is through a scroll you buy at Jorodin's.

What does it require? An item, just about any item, that you want to turn into a talker (my present one is a Sung family crest).

What skills do I need? Channeling, Binding, Evoking

Has it worked? The proper output should read something like this:

You prepare to cast Jorodin's Magnificent Communicator on xxx.
You listen to the xxx.
You whisper meaninglessly to the xxx.
You exclaim: Pop!
Somewhere inside the xxx a pair of glittering eyes swirl into being.

Help Information:

Jorodin's Magnificent Communicator - communicate with others.

Jorodin's Magnificent Communicator allows the caster to summon a Loquacious Spirit from the Plane of Neverending Chatter and bind it to an inanimate object, forcing it to repeat the words of other nearby spirits and their masters for all eternity (not to mention their voice comes in various fashionable colours).

Gold, Gold, Gold!

(At Spellcheck Project)

As you may have noticed, there seems to be some inaccuracy in the stages prediction of some spells at SPC. The two most notable cases are, it seems, Wonker's Wicked Wobble and Gillimer's Ring of Temperate Weather.
The problem is with the gold skill (at least that's the case with Wonker's, and probably so with Gillimer's). One of the reasons might be that when submitting spellchecks, we have to remember that the gold skill isn't part of the magic branch (that is to say, it won't be submitted if we type 'skills magic' and 'spellcheck fully xxx' and then uploading). Just 'skills' is your friend.

Right now at 253 bonus in crafts.smithing.gold (which SPC says should read 'you are a little more likely to succeed than to fail' but my own spellcheck states as 'you would most certainly fail'), I'll keep spending xp in it in the following days and sending spellchecks. Might do the same for Gillimer's, but I imagine my gold bonus is quite over what may be needed (and useful in research) for that...

Jogloran's Portal of Cheaper Travel

What's it called? Jogloran's Portal of Cheaper Travel (in short, JPCT).

What does it do? This is everybody's favourite and probably most used spell (even by a high number of non wizards, thanks to scrolls). Jogloran's is the most efficient means of fast travel in the Disc. A succesful cast will open a dimensional portal to some other place in the Discworld, in the shape of a peculiar door. The only inconveniences of the spell are that 1) for casting you need to have the location you want to go to previously stored ('blorpled') in an item, be it a stone or jewellery; and 2) it requires quite high-end skills for opening a portal to the place you actually want to go (good to look through the door before crossing just in case, as you may land in many dangerous places, like the Shades or in the middle of the sky...). Even with said skills, misportals are quite regular currency, as are rumbling/burning doors which will burn you or explode in your face, specially if you are trigger-happy.

Where is it? In ages past, when it was easier to cast too, it lurked in the Begginer's Tomes. Now you have to enter the library to substract it from the Introeductyon too thee Strukture of thee Multyverss grimoire, at the Unseen University.

What does it require? A blorple, as stated. As is well known, there's two spells for creating them, which you have to cast (depending on the spell/item) on the room you want to store. Then, for portalling there, just cast Jogloran's on the said blorple.

What skills do I need? Enchanting, Evoking, Binding, Dancing, Banishing

Has it worked? A correct output should be something like this:

You prepare to cast Jogloran's Portal of Cheaper Travel.
You start to sketch a door in the air with your finger / the xxx (only if holding a staff).
The lines you sketched in the air start to glow a red colour.
A strange green smell escapes from the forming door and slowly wisps its way around the room.
You can see the door starting to materialise, and try to ignore the small figures looking eagerly at the opening.
You start dancing wildly around the floor throwing power and moonbeams at it in the hope of scaring off the creatures.
A xxx door solidifies with a satisfying thump.

Help Information:

Jogloran's Portal of Cheaper Travel - create a portal to a far land.

Jogloran's Portal of Cheaper Travel is a miscellaneous type spell that uses Rictor's unreality factor to create a portal between two places on approximately the same level of reality. It can be cast at either a blorpled rock or a clever piece of jewellery. If you do not want to be followed, you can "push" or "shove" the portal, which will make it fall over.

New Cloaks!

So... after a month away (RoundWorld), one comes back and the only thing that's new is... a wandering wizard in the Ramtops that seems to make custom wizzie cloaks that allow to sheathe wands... Well, they aren't an item I use much of ('cept pickling sticks) but it is worth a look and a try, ain't it?

Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Once, a wizard - well, a Lodger - came in and complained. Actually _complained_ that the hoods on my cloaks hid the mystical thingimabobs that he had dangling from his hat. Well, I said to him, why don't you push it back? He didn't have any answers to that.
say ahá! Gotcha! It's this dude...
You say: ahá! Gotcha! It's this dude...
> Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can take a man out of the Ramtops, but you can't take the Ramtops out of a man. Why, I often used to go up to the top of the Tower of Art just to look over at Copperhead and Leaping Mountain.
say Do you make cloaks, Maurice?
You ask: Do you make cloaks, Maurice?
> say I would like to order a cloak, please, Maurice
You say: I would like to order a cloak, please, Maurice
> Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: A bespoke cloak? Why, certainly.
Maurice Trimbleworthy asks with a Lancrastian accent: What material shall we make this from?
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can choose from the following: velvet, wool and silk.
say silk
You say: silk
> Maurice Trimbleworthy draws a quick elegant sketch on a piece of parchment.
A local wanders into the room. He reads a few of the notices on the bulletin board before scoffing loudly and storming out in a huff.
Maurice Trimbleworthy asks with a Lancrastian accent: And what colour would you like?
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can choose from the following: fourecksianite purple, malachite green, midnight black, charcoal grey, rose-coloured, diamond white, peridot green, sapphire blue, golden brown, raven black, mossy green, light brown, dark purple, cobalt blue, ultramarine, snow white, aquamarine, slate blue, garnet red, onyx black, dark green, light grey, dark brown, ocean blue, leaf green, smoky grey, stone grey, jet black, icy white, dark grey, dark blue, carnelian, sea green, sky blue, amethyst, ice blue, ruby red, burgundy, crimson, emerald, scarlet, indigo, violet, silver, purple, white, black, brown, green, topaz, blue, grey and red.
say malachite green
You say: malachite green
> Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Very well.
Maurice Trimbleworthy asks with a Lancrastian accent: Some traditional stars and moons? Or something else, perhaps?
You feel quite warm.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can choose from the following: portraits of the seven-plus-one winds, depictions of the Tower of Art, mirrors and crystal balls, hammer and anvil symbols, snowflakes and icicles, ravens and ivy leaves, stylised birch groves, leering demon faces, the five elements, dancing skeletons, battling dragons, stars and moons, lightning bolts, swirling clouds, grinning skulls, ravening demons, crossed wands, flaming eyes, octograms, rabbits, sigils, glyphs and runes. say snowflakes and icicles
You say: snowflakes and icicles
> Maurice Trimbleworthy draws a quick elegant sketch on a piece of parchment.
Maurice Trimbleworthy asks with a Lancrastian accent: What kind of thread would you like those to be embroidered in?
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can choose from the following: rose-coloured silk, golden brown silk, cobalt blue silk, dark green silk, deep grey silk, daffodil silk, amethyst silk, purple silk, black silk, white silk, white gold, rose gold, blue silk, red gold, red silk, copper, silver, bronze and gold.
(Wizards) Dinsdale's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying that he considers trying NES.
say amethyst silk
You say: amethyst silk
> (Wizards) Dinsdale's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: Backfires can be fatal though, can't they?
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Very well.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Would you like some wand loops sewn into that? If so, there won't be room for pockets, so just say which you'd prefer.
A waiter with a haggard look on his face emerges from the room to the south and plumps himself down on the sofa with a deep, blissful groan. The gentle ringing of a bell to the east forces him to his feet, and with a slight sob he leaves the room.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: You can choose from the following: wand loops and pockets.
(Wizards) Hitcher's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: no only if you hold a pointy object
(Wizards) Kurupt's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: Only if you have low hp.
(Wizards) Hitcher's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: i think....
say wand loops
You say: wand loops
> Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: An excellent choice.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Very well, let's see... that will be LSov 1|1|10|(2^3).
Maurice Trimbleworthy whispers to you with a Lancrastian accent: Your malachite green silk cloak will look like this: Long, flowing, and majestic, this cloak envelops the wearer in a swirl of malachite green silk from shoulders to knees. A number of snowflakes and icicles, done in amethyst silk thread, are scattered across the material, and the tall collar is embroidered with matching sigils of warding and protection. Just inside the front, four loops hang down, each one the perfect size to hold a wand close to hand.
Maurice Trimbleworthy asks with a Lancrastian accent: Does that meet with your approval?
(Wizards) Dinsdale's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: How low is low?
(Wizards) Kurupt's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: Under 2k.
say yes
You say: yes
> Vanessa Cutangle says with a Lancrastian accent: Excellent! Please take a look at our price list and then order whatever takes your fancy.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Very well, that will be around one day and sixteen hours.
Maurice Trimbleworthy says with a Lancrastian accent: Women! Wizards aren't supposed to get married, eh? Well, let me tell you, at a certain time in his life a man begins to regret that...
shrug
You shrug.

In the Assassin's Guild

It is a pity the ninjas don't allow us to use their facilities, as I would relish the possibility of trying their pottery room, learning their tea ceremony and doing some flower arranging and marbling (the last option isn't impossible, but the equipment for doing it counts as furniture, and I have no place to put it). The morporkian Assassin's Guild is open to all, though -at least, most parts of it. The poison labs remain 'off limits-, and taking a look at its classrooms, one find curious learning oportunities...
One I wasn't able to activate was the Komt of Yoyo's telling me assassin stories in the varied living languages of the Disc (he'll only do it if you're an assassin yourself), but nevertheless, you can try plaque-reading and (on a totally different scale) piano playing at the Modern Language and Music classroom. What I did discover to my delight in the next classroom (Monsieur le Balourd's Dance and Deportment) was this:

A large, airy room with strong wooden floors and a high, arching ceiling. A small piano sits carefully in one corner of the room, while an elaborately set up table is in another area. Posters outlining the basic steps of various popular dances line the walls, while instruction manuals and copies of Twurp's Peerage are scattered over a low table under the window. A room full of everything a student needs to turn themselves from bumbling buffoon, to social butterfly.
There is one obvious exit: west.
Monsieur le Balourd is standing here.
>
look ceiling
The ceiling arches high above your head, inlaid with rare woods. A crystal chandelier hangs from the centre.
>
look chandelier
A delicate crystal chandelier hangs from the centre of the ceiling, casting light over the room.
>
look piano
A recent invention, this piano is actually a pianola, a clockwork piano that plays music without the need to have a pesky musician sitting at it. It is a very expensive instrument, much more so than its non-clockwork counterpart, but is still within the Assassins' Guild's budget and is used to train students to deceive the eye.
play piano
You covertly wind up the piano and pretend to play a delicate Llamedos hymn.
>
play piano
You covertly wind up the piano and pretend to play a delicate sonata.
>
play piano
Saving...
You feel more able to deceive the eye.
You covertly wind up the piano and pretend to play a delicate sonata.

There's lots more to play with, in the class and in the guild. I'll keep looking...