Art of the Great Hall (1)

The Great Hall of Unseen University is literally bursting with lots and lots of paintings of former Archchancellors and statues of wizards of yore, great in the lore. In the following pages we will be making a short detour through some of the most interesting pieces (at least, to our appreciation). We shall start in the southwestern corner:

The Great Hall of the Unseen University is where the faculty wizards get down to business, namely eating and drinking.  The hall roof is held up with lots of pillars.  The walls are hung with paintings of former Archchancellors.  This is the southwestern corner of the hall.

There are three obvious exits: north, east and northeast.

A statue of BlackHeart is standing on the floor

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This is an incredible six foot high statue of Senior Wizard BlackHeart, a well known fellow indeed.  It's a realistic life size piece carved out of marble with a divine touch from the gods.  He is a tall, noble looking wizard, holding a great sword in its right hand while the left is holding what appears to be a ball of flame.  You somehow get the impression that the only reason you are still alive is that the statue is unable to make up its mind what would be most fun: to cut your head off or to fry you alive.  Perhaps you should leave before it makes up its mind?  On its base is a golden plaque.

read plaque

You read the plaque:

Motto: "Hex them till they glow, then curse them in the dark".

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The portrait of 53rd Archchancellor Farn Muttle attracts your attention.  Muttle is famous for building an extensive, and very costly, college of weather magic which was the pride of the campus until it was unfortunately demolished by a thunderstorm, two tornadoes, a freak tsunami, which developed in the Circle Sea and was funnelled up the river by Ankh Bay, and a shower of squid.

These are the past Archchancellors of Unseen University.  Some are unfinished, probably due to the high mortality rate among high-ranking wizards.

Art of the Octangle (12)

After our various and sundry wanderings, there remains only one corner of the octangle to be gazed upon by our prying eyes:

Here, southwest of the centre of Unseen University's main octangle, a large clock tower stretches overhead.  Spotless green lawns surround the cobbles underfoot, and ancient chestnut trees spread their boughs overhead.  A cobbled path leads south to the Tower of Art, and another continues east and north around the clock tower, past a magnificently corpulent statue of a wizard poised in the act of summoning food from nowhere.

The statue represents no other than the great food-invoking warlock Wurphle, of whose spells we make generous use at Unseen University:

This statue, believed to represent the legendary Wurphle himself, stands poised in the act of spellcasting.  A carved rat burger sits on his outstretched palm, as though freshly pulled from the magical realm of Dinner.

The first time I visited it, the food being invoked was a mint. This time, it was a burger. I imagine it magically changes from time to time:

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Cleverly carved and only a little worn down by time and the elements, the rat burger has been sculpted as part of the statue itself.

And this concludes our ramblings around the octangle! Next we will be checking just a handful of the oldest statues that lie inside of the Great Hall.

Art of the Octange (11)

Going south from our previous stop, in the inner square of the octangle that surrounds the Clock Tower, we come to here:

Here, at the southeast corner of the University's ancient clock tower, the Octangle stretches all around.  A clear cobbled area surrounds the tower, echoing the shape of the courtyard itself, and ancient chestnut trees stand tall near the corners, shading the lawns and the cobbled paths.  Mounted on the tower itself is a life-size statue of a previous Archchancellor and his dog, standing beneficient guard over a ground-level water fountain.

A fountain is pretty useful, especially if you have to make a floating cloud! I no longer have to visit the courtyard of the Institute of Illusionary Learning for this!

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Tractamides 'Hunter' MacPherson, who took up the Archchancellor's Hat in the Year of the Paint-Stained Frog, was famously accompanied everywhere by his dog Sausage.  A sedentary and peaceful pair, they enjoyed short strolls in Wizards' Pleasaunce together until his death in what was either a student prank during Rag Week or a cunningly disguised assassination attempt.

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Sausage was, as his name suggests, a sausage dog.  It has been tradition since Time Immemorial that Sausage should wear a hat.  Several theories have been put forward to explain this, but the most prevalent one is that it's easier than reaching up to balance one on his master.  He is currently wearing a miniature watchman's helmet.

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The Hatter is part of Unseen University's student folklore.  Nobody knows who is responsible for the hats, and efforts to find out have been thwarted by their inherent sneakiness, alcohol, the cover of night, and general ineptitude on the part of the investigators.

The hat, in fact, changes from time to time. Last time I looked, it was a cone.

A solidly built bronze bowl of fresh water, greened by time, sits at a convenient height for a small dog to drink from.

Art of the Octangle (10)

Moving eastwards from our last stop we find ourselves in another quaint corner of the inner square of the octagon:

Here, at the northeast corner of the University's ancient clock tower, the Octangle stretches all around.  A matching octagonal area of cobbles surrounds the tower, and paths lead from it eastwards to the gates and westwards to the Great Hall.  A time-worn statue of a plump wizard, ornately curled wig visible beneath the carved Archchancellor's Hat, stands proudly in a niche set into the tower itself.

Looking into the niche for more detail on the statue gives some nice details:

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Archchancellor Riggmorton "Weatherman" Weatherby spent his academic life studying freak precipitation patterns and trying to work out just what brought on a rain of fish, furniture, or footwear rather than water.  His book, "Six Days in Pine Dressers", is required reading for all students taking the Envirothaumic Phenomena course, and it has been checked out of the library a record-breaking seventeen times.  One stone hand grasps a cloud thoughtfully.

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The hat has been set with real octarines, twinkling in any available light above the curled stone ringlets.

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The hair of the statue is clearly a wig; no Archchancellor could possibly have sufficient patience to keep his curls that neat.

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Some decades ago, a waggish prankster enchanted the statue's cloud to rain illusory phenomena down onto the ground below.  It is currently dumping haddock upon the long-suffering cobbles.

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The haddock emanating from the cloud seem to vanish just before hitting the ground.

After I while I saw it turn to polished oak wardrobes, so I imagine you can also enjoy shoes if you wait long enough...

Art of the Octangle (9)

After one has completed a whole round around the octangle and gotten back to the starting place, outside the doors of the Great Hall, one can instead take a cobble path inwards in the direction to the Clock Tower, which sits proudly in the center of the octangle. The tower is girded by a walking with interesting sights in each of the four corners. This is the northwestern one:

Here, at the northwest corner of the University's ancient clock tower, the Octangle stretches all around.  A clear cobbled area surrounds the tower, echoing the shape of the courtyard itself, and ancient chestnut trees stand tall near the corners, shading the lawns and the cobbled paths.  Mounted on the tower itself is a life-size statue of a previous Archchancellor caught in the middle of a truly heroic sneeze.  A rose bush grows up around him, shrouding his robed legs in dense foliage.  To the north, a cobbled path leads to the Library building, and another leads west to the Great Hall and points beyond.

The statue of Archchancellor Trimbleworthy can indeed be found inside an alcove of the Tower's wall, and looks like this:

Skurm 'the Gardener' Trimbleworthy was famous for two things - his award-winning rose bushes, and his incredibly mighty allergy to roses.

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The Beauty of Brass Neck rose, named for Archchancellor Trimbleworthy's home village in the Ramtops, grows naturally to approximately the size of an adult dwarf and requires very little pruning.  It has very firm opinions on when it should flower and when it absolutely will not.  At the moment, the stems are covered with a mass of small brass-coloured blooms.

Art of the Octangle (8)

Moving from our last stop to just outside the Library, and very close to our starting position next to the doors of the Great Hall, we arrive at the place that is favored by White Wizards / Sages of the Unbroken Circle:

The land is lit up by the eerie light of the last quarter moon.

Here at the northern edge of Unseen University's main octangle, the sweep of magnificent flower beds that girds the base of the ancient buildings is interrupted by the doors to the Library, flanked by statues and hung with thaumic wards.  To either side, a cobbled path leads off around the Octangle, another path heads northwest into the cloisters and yet another passes between a pair of ancient chestnut trees on its way south to the clock tower.

There is also the expected bench, eggshell white,  and this time I *can* sit on it at will:

You sit on an eggshell white oak bench.

> The chatter of student wizards fills the air.

The Borogravian rock garden is here, along with a couple of wizardly statues. One depicts the stereotypical elementalist:

A tall, magnificently bearded wizard stands proud, clad in the robes of a member of the Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle.  Flickers of illusory lightning dance around the knob of his upthrust staff.

The other is related to the Library, representing one of its most assiduous users:

Librarian-Magus Roderick Hapweather was an expert on sigilomorphic lichen realignment in microthaumic fields, although nobody found this out until after his death, given that he was also chronically shy and would go years at a time without speaking to anyone.

Art of the Octangle (7)

 

Moving hubwards from our last stop, just outside the gates of Unseen University, and towards the Porter's Lodge and the Library, we come to the region of the octangle that is favored by Green Wizards / the Venerable Council of Seers:

This is just outside the Porters' lodge of the Unseen University, on the north side of a wide octagonal courtyard surrounded by lawns and dominated by ancient chestnut trees.  A door to the east leads into the Porters' lodge itself, a rather incongruously placed thatched cottage separated from the Library by a small but incredibly important gap.  The cobbled path and the lush green lawn continues to the southeast towards the main gate and the west towards the entrance to the Library, whilst a tall clock tower dominates the centre of the courtyard to the south.  A tall green-robed statue surveys the Octangle from his place against the Library wall.

There's also a celadon green oak bench, and my attempts to sit on it have the usual effects:

You sit on a celadon green oak bench.

> The bench suddenly changes its shape to become a steep slope, sending you sliding down onto the grass.

You stand up.

The bench changes back into its normal bench-like shape.

There is only one statue nearby, and that statue belongs to the generic Seer wizard:

The lichen encrusting this statue's flowing robes has fortuitously turned them a very appropriate shade of green for a member of the Venerable Council of Seers.  In his hand he holds a crystal ball, which flickers with images of people and places around the Disc.

Art of the Octangle (6)

Moving around the octangle from our last stop, next to Archchancellor Roxby's statue, and in the direction of the grand doors that are the main entrance to Unseen University, we enter the preferred space of Red wizards and Mrs. Widgery's Lodgers:

Octiron-plated gates, somehow still glinting blackly in the night, still stand wide because someone lost the key. A large official-looking notice attempts to forbid passage between Gown and Town - the ancient weight of magic and history that is Unseen University on one side, and the bustle and noise of Sator Square on the other. From the gargoyle-haunted crenellations and the ancient chestnut trees shading the green lawns, to the vast, dizzying height of the Tower of Art looming over the clock tower and the Great Hall behind it, everything is redolent of the weight of tradition. A ruddy-robed wizard statue stands ready to welcome students, whether new or returning, and the squat menace of the thatched porter's lodge is a dreadful reminder of the terrors that await them if they get caught being drunk, rowdy, or objectionably sober.

As usual, we encounter a very picky bench, this time cherry red in color, and also as usual, it does not take kindly to our attempts to use it:

You sit on a cherry red oak bench.
> The bench suddenly changes its shape to become a steep slope, sending you sliding down onto the grass.
You stand up.
The bench changes back into its normal bench-like shape.

There are lots of landmarks in this corner. Besides the huge octiron doors, the Porter's Lodge looms nearby, and a good view of all the main buildings of the university. There also a wizardly statue welcoming incomers:

A tall thin wizard carved from Klatchian sandstone looks very proud to wear the robes of Mrs Widgery's Lodgers, the oldest Order of Wizardry.

Art of the Octangle (5)

Moving away from the Squilltemper Building and towards the Unseen University's Octiron doors, one passes through that curious corner of the octangle, shadowed by the Battlement Balcony, and that is enjoyed by the wizards of the Octarine / Last Order persuasion:

Here on the eastern side of the Octangle, a great shadow looms.  It's the Battlement Balcony, extending an architecturally implausible ten feet outwards from the top of the wall between the University and Sator Square, and keeping the rain off the statue of Archchancellor Niklaus Roxby that sits on a carved granite bench against the wall.  A broken plinth squats next to it, still looking somehow menacing.

In the protective shade of a chestnut tree cuddles a greenish-purple octarine oak bench, and when I try to sit on it I get the following message:

You sit on a greenish-purple octarine oak bench.

> The bench suddenly springs to life, tips you onto the ground, then shuffles off deciding that now is a perfect time to run a quick lap of the octangle.

You stand up.

The bench returns from its light jog around the courtyard.

One doesn't quite get a statue of the archetypal Last Order wizard here, but what you get is even more telling:

In principle, there should have been a statue of a Last Order wizard here.  However, it quickly became a target for Last Order wizards to practise their offensive spells and the smouldering ruins were gingerly removed for extreme thaumic decontamination.  Only a battered plinth carved with knives and fireballs remains, glowing balefully with the remains of thousands of curses, hexes and thaumic assaults.

Another statue can be appreciated, smuggly seated on a stone bench:

Archchancellor Roxby sits here on a carved granite bench, one hand upraised as though to declaim from the book he holds in his other.  A prolific poet, he left a generous bequest to have his collected works released in a luxury edition and his papers filed forevermore in the Library for the delight of wizards of generations to come.  The resulting handsome calfskin-bound edition of one copy now resides in the Obscure and Hazardous Literature Collection under lock, key and magical binding, and it is not known where the then Librarian filed his papers.

Art of the Octangle (4)

Advancing widdershins from our last stop in the octangle, just as we arrive in front of the Squilltemper building, we come in the the corner where congregate the conjurers of a demonological familiars, be they Sages of the Unknown Shadow or Black wizards:

Despite the size of Unseen University's main Octangle this area manages to seem almost cosy, between the clock tower to the north and the ancient chestnut trees whose boughs spread over the cobbles, the manicured lawns, and a dramatically gesturing statue.  The Tower of Art rises to the west, and the main gates sit northeast of here, while the studded oak door to the south leads - in theory - into the Squilltemper Building.

Here stands an ominous black oak bench under a chestnut tree, and trying to sit on it, being what I am, gives the following result:

You sit on an ominous black oak bench.

> The bench suddenly changes its shape to become a steep slope, sending you sliding down onto the grass.

You stand up.

The summer heat gently radiates from the ground.

The bench changes back into its normal bench-like shape.

The obligatory statue for the archetypal Sage of the Unknown Shadow is close at hand:

With a characteristic flair, this cadaverously thin wizard appears to be calling some sort of horrendous demon from Hell - an impression aided, admittedly, by the horrendous black marble demon forcing its way through the earth at their feet.  The carved black marble robes of a wizard of the Sages of the Unknown Shadow contrast sharply with the wizard's gothically white marble hands and face.

Yet another toy is available here, in the form of some musical chimes that can be played for curious sounds, but only effectively by better percussionists than myself:

Spired and fretted like some deconstructed and inverted Borogravian castle, this assemblage of tubes - some blown from glass, some carved from crystal in a multitude of swirling colours, and some of octiron - chimes and twinkles in each passing breeze.  They hang from a plate of solid octiron, inlaid with glyphs and bearing a dedicatory inscription.

Sparkles of octarine light constantly bloom and dance around the chimes.

It appears to have something written on it.

read chimes

You read the set of octiron and crystal wind chimes:

Written in flourishing letters:

Octavius Semelustrius, Professor of Musicology, set me here on this day the 17th of Grune, Year of the Concussed Ocelot, for the delight and edification of All Wizardry.

Art of the Octangle (3)

Moving on through a cobbled path past the Tower of Art, one enters the octangle's preserve of the Order of Midnight / Grey Wizards:

The land is lit up by the eerie light of the full moon.

Here in the southwest of Unseen University's main Octangle, the Tower of Art rises to the west, dwarfing the clock tower to the north, the ancient chestnut trees dotting the Oct, and indeed all the other buildings.  A cobbled path leads northwest to the Tower door and the Great Hall, and east around the lawns to the main gates, making a short detour around two confused-looking statues.

We can see an ashen grey oak bench. Trying to sit on it if you belong to the wrong persuasion has the following effect:

You sit on an ashen grey oak bench.

> The bench suddenly changes its shape to become a steep slope, sending you sliding down onto the grass.

You stand up.

The bench changes back into its normal bench-like shape.

Two confused statues are to be in close by. The first shows your typical Order of Midnight wizard:

A young-looking wizard, wearing the carved granite robes of the Order of Midnight, looks down at a worn headstone.  She appears rather perplexed about what she should be doing with the large shovel she holds.

The other shows a famous Archchancellor of yore, who suffered the mishaps of being metamorphically challenged:

Archchancellor Mimberley Beaumont, or possibly Archchancellor Beaumont Mimberley (records are not clear on this point) was investigating morphic resonance chord transfigurations when a thaumic backlash transformed him into a large seagull.  Precisely what species of seagull is unclear.  The sculptor has depicted a Circle Sea herring gull, but it's possible that that is artistic license, since his official portrait was painted some time before the accident.  In accordance with universal laws of humour, the seagull statue is wearing a miniature Archchancellor's hat.

Art of the Octangle (2)

Moving widdershins from our previous place and towards the Tower of Art, one reaches the corner of the octangle that is consecrated to the Silver Star / Brown wizards:

Here in the southwest corner of Unseen University's main octangle, the Tower of Art stretches over eight hundred feet into the air.  The Tower is older than both the Unseen University and the city built around it, and looks it - gnarled like an ancient yew, completely windowless, and occasionally dangerously decrepit.  A door to the south leads inside the tower, whilst cobbled paths lead north through the lawns to the Great Hall and eastwards around the Octangle.  To the northeast, the University clock tower looms over everything the Tower may have somehow managed to miss, and a statue stands beneath one of the spreading chestnut trees.

The bench we find nearby is dark brown, and trying to sit on it if you do not belong to the appropriate order /color has the following effect:

You sit on a dark brown oak bench.

> The bench suddenly changes its shape to become a steep slope, sending you sliding down onto the grass.

You stand up.

The bench changes back into its normal bench-like shape.

Only one state looms close, representing the generic Silver Star mage:

Unlike the other statues around the octangle, this one has been carved from oak.  It shows a massively fat wizard wearing a carpenter's apron over the robes of a member of the Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star.  Well, most of a wizard.  The carved wand in his oak hands is undergoing a rapid thaumic disassembly, and therefore so is his wooden head.

Art of the Octangle (1)

We start here a new section dedicated to the art -mostly sculpture- that decorates the Octangle at the Unseen University.  Our first stop is just outside the Great Hall's Gates:

Here on the west side of the Octangle, the tall octiron double doors of the Great Hall overlook an expanse of worn grey flagstones before they give way to green lawns and ancient chestnut trees.  Cobbled paths lead around the edges of the lawn, and another leads eastwards to the clock tower and the main gates onto Sator Square.  Beside the doors, a pair of statues stand upon tall plinths, surveying the courtyard with a proprietorial air.

Each corner of the outer rim of the Octangle is dedicated to one of the eight orders of magic, which is reflected both in the statuary and in the benches available. The deep blue oak bench one here is dedicated to the Hoodwinkers, and will run away if you try to sit on it and you're not of their persuasion:

The bench suddenly springs to life, tips you onto the ground, then shuffles off deciding that now is a perfect time to run a quick lap of the octangle.

You stand up.

The bench returns from its light jog around the courtyard.

look bench

Placed on the grass up against an ancient chestnut tree, this curved-back bench is made of solid oak and held together by a black cast iron frame.  The wood has been stained a deep blue to represent the colours of the Hoodwinkers, with the hopes that it will attract young wizards of the Order and provide a place for them to gather and study.  How much it gets used for this purpose is unknown, as young wizards tend to care more about concepts like "indoors" and "not studying".  They do however care about who sits on the bench, and therefore over the years it has been filled with many enchantments to stop Wizards of other orders using it.

Two statues are placed nearby. One shows the archetypal Hoodwinker / Blue wizard:

A short, stout wizard carved from Llamedese bluestone stands by the doors, hands raised in a complicated gesture that probably represents summoning forth illusions.

The other is a bit more idiosyncratic, representing as it does a wizard of agricultural inclinations:

The eighth son of a wool merchant from Zemphis, Joseph Ptarmigan was a noted expert on pseudoavian chromodynamics in negative narrative potential fields, and was plagued throughout his career by the mistaken assumption that he was Djelian, based on his surname alone. The sculptor has depicted him wearing a large turban and carrying some sort of ceremonial agricultural implement.