People at Uni - The Communications Imp

The communications imp is standing here.

> The communications imp exclaims: Hello!  Busy afternoon isn't it, Winswand?!

The communications imp mutters something about wizards under its breath.

look imp

The communications imp exclaims: BLAST!

This is the University's Official Communications imp.  His job is to make sure all memos go through as they should and when they should.  Sharply, he twitches from the overwhelming stress of coordinating such uncoordinated beasts as wizards.  His little horns have slight chips in them from banging his head on the wall one too many times, and his little wings flutter to and fro in a flurried state of unrest.  The last thing this little imp needs is another cup of coffee.

It is in good shape.

It is standing.

> To the southwest, the town crier shouts: The AM Daily newspaper is currently recruiting reporters and other authors! Contact Jeanie for details.

The communications imp exclaims: I think I might need a therapist.  Are you available?!

The communications imp exclaims: Can you hear those voices too?  Certainly, you MUST be able to hear all these voices!  There are hundreds of them!  Can't you hear them?!

The communications imp exclaims: I can take the abuse.  Really I can.  No.  Really.  Aaaarrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh!  Make it STOP!

The communications imp exclaims: Don't get me angry!  You wouldn't like me angry!

The communications imp exclaims: I should have majored in something easy like...Physics!

The communications imp exclaims: Memos! How hard can MEMOS be?!

The communications imp leaves west.

People at Uni - The Professor of Recondite Architecture

The Professor of Recondite Architecture is standing here.

> 

l professor

This is the Professor of Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding.  As one of the few people who understands the convoluted bent dimensions of the University, coupled with his prowess in origami folding, he is capable of constructing a map of the University (admittedly one that looks like an exploding crysanthemum) that would probably be accurate for the next few days.  He has nimble fingers and a long face covered in a silky smooth black beard with a truly impressive moustache.  His enquiring crystal clear blue eyes are often distant as he ponders new ways of folding paper, or perhaps thinking back to his childhood in Bonk.

He is in good shape.

He is standing.

Holding : a twisted wooden staff (left hand and right hand).

Wearing : a pair of pointy wizard shoes, a black velvet and vermine robe and a pointy wizard's hat.

His purse is home to only moths!

People at Uni - The Professor of Extreme Horticulture

The Professor of Extreme Horticulture and a handsome sheep shearer are standing here.

An eggshell white oak bench is standing beneath the chestnut tree and a wizardly brass lantern is hanging on a wall.

> The Professor of Extreme Horticulture mutters about the dangers of the sea.

look professor

This is the Professor of Extreme Horticulture, otherwise known as Pennysmart to his friends.  Due to an unfortunate accident involving an affronted jellyfish his legs have been permanently stained an extremely interesting shade of purple.  He boasts an elaborate white beard that, at times, brushes the ground, and spikey grey hair that shoots out from his head in every direction.  His great passion in life is walking the Unseen University octangle where it is statistically implausible that a sea creature could ever ravage him again.

He is in good shape.

He is standing.

Holding : a twisted wooden staff (left hand and right hand).

Wearing : a pair of pointy wizard shoes, a white velvet and vermine robe and a pointy wizard's hat.

His purse is home to only moths!

> In the distance to the southwest, the big bronze gong in the Temple of Small Gods bongs nine times.

The Professor of Extreme Horticulture picks up his beard just before a passing student uses it as a mat.

The Professor of Extreme Horticulture mutters something about jellyfish under his breath.

People at Uni - The Bursar

The Bursar is floating here.

A greenish-purple octarine oak bench is standing beneath the chestnut tree and a wizardly brass lantern is hanging on a wall.

> The Professor of Recondite Architecture moves west across the octangle.

look bursar

This somewhat elderly fellow is Dr A.A. Dinwiddie, more commonly known as the Bursar.  He took up the post after a rather unfortunate series of events involving a sorcerer, the Dungeon Dimensions, and a lot of screaming.  He has been steadfastly adding up numbers and generally trying to keep out of everybody's way ever since.

He is in good shape.

He is floating here.

Wearing : a pair of pointy wizard shoes, a rumpled wizard's robe and a pointy wizard's hat.

His purse is home to only moths!

> The bubble around you flickers slightly.

The Bursar crouches down and starts hopping around.

The Bursar looks a little confused.

The Bursar's throat suddenly swells out in front, and he looks alarmed.  He opens his mouth to scream - but what comes out is a rather different type of noise...

The frog that looks an awful lot like the Bursar croaks (ribbit).

The frog that looks an awful lot like the Bursar says: Ribbit bloody ribbit

People at Uni - The Lecturer in Recent Runes

The Great Hall of the Unseen University is where the faculty wizards get down to business, namely eating and drinking.  The hall roof is held up with lots of pillars.  The walls are hung with paintings of former Archchancellors.  This is the northern edge of the hall.  A stone archway is north.

There are six obvious exits: north, south, east, west, southwest and southeast.

Three small blue lights are zipping about and the Lecturer in Recent Runes is standing here.

A skeleton warrior arrives from the southwest.

A skeleton warrior succeeds in following you.

> The Lecturer in Recent Runes bows respectfully to you.

look runes

The Lecturer in Recent Runes is a surprisingly thin wizard, given the standards at Unseen University, and maybe only weighs fifteen stone.  The way he peers at you through his bushy grey eyebrows puts you in mind of a sparrow peering at a worm.

He is in good shape.

He is standing.

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the stomach.

Holding : an old staff (left hand and right hand).

Wearing : a pair of hard leather boots, a white velvet and vermine robe, a purple sash, a large satchel and a pointy wizard's hat.

Carrying: a silver pipe and one handful of Grim's old blower tobacco.

People at Uni - Havox

You see Elementalist Havox of the Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle, the Seventh Level Wizard. 
He is a strapping young human lad. 
He is in good shape. 
He is sitting. 
His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the head. 
He has a giant turtle shell floating around him. 
A smuggler's longcoat is billowing dramatically around him. 
He looks rather warm. 
Holding : a jagged coral dirk (left hand) and a Klein bottle (right hand). 
Wearing : a pair of smuggler's seaboots, a smuggler's longcoat, a smuggler's tricorn, five rose rhodonite rings, a pair of dark sapphire earrings, a pair of lavender amethyst earrings, a diamond ring, a gold and red coral ring and a blue crystal ring.

People at Uni - Urwan

l urwan 

You see Staffmaster Urwan of the Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star, the Sixth Level Wizard. 

He is a strapping young human lad. 

He is slightly hurt. 

He is standing. 

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the chest. 

He has a three star shield floating around him. 

Wearing : a black eyepatch, a silvery-red marina wool cloak, a smuggler's tricorn and a Klatchian steel coif. 

Carrying: a pair of airy white cotton trousers, an antique black dress, an official employment writ and a dusty rose konara oak staff. 

People of the Disc - Riverphoenix

You see Venerable Riverphoenix the Monitor of Muggers of the Thieves' Guild.

He is a strapping young human lad.

He is in good shape.

He is kneeling.

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the chest.

Holding : a pair of tongs (left hand).

Wearing : a pair of black cashmere gloves, a pair of coffee brown batiste trousers, a wild honey batiste shirt, a black velvet bag, a club badge, a black cashmere Thieves' Guild licence and a perfect cube brooch.

Carrying: an iridescent pearl and a flat cap.

People at Uni - Thalic

You see Flatulent Thalic of Mrs. Widgery's Lodgers, the Seventh Level Wizard. 
He is a strapping young human lad. 
He is not fat, but working on it. He is in good shape. 
He is standing. 
He has a long, flowing and, above all, convincing brown beard. 
He has a sapphire studded shield floating around him. 
Holding : a tachibo (left hand and right hand). 
Wearing : a pair of gold wire glasses, a pair of black soft-soled boots, a pair of black trousers, a Guild of Bandits' tabard, a black silk shirt, a leather carryall, a black backpack, a wizard's pointy hat, five club badges, an utility belt, a fake beard, a turquoise scarab ring, a gold medallion, a rambler's canteen, a chain of stars, a sapphire ring, a diamond ring, a blue crystal ring, two twisted black amulets, a star sapphire ring, a gold watch and a gold ring. 
Carrying: a cured human left eye, a piece of writing paper, a caged ironwood case, a bronze helm, a hessian sack and a large rosewood jewellery box.

People at Uni - Vyre

You see Masterful Vyre of the Hoodwinkers, the Fifth Level Wizard.
He is a strapping young human lad.
He is a larger wizard, with square shoulders and an aura of eminent authority.
He is in good shape.
He is standing.
His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the neck.
He is soaked and doesn't look that well at all.
He has a giant turtle shell floating around him.
He is encased in a translucent bubble.
He has a teacup pig clinging to his shoulder.
Smokescreen is billowing dramatically around him.
Holding : a scythe (left hand) and Demonic Dagger (right hand).
Wearing : Swaggering Stance, a pair of iron gauntlets, Smokescreen, Mirror Image and a teacup pig.
Carrying: a black velvet bag, some purple mineral powder, a crystal ball and a silver-hilted stile.

People at Uni - Gznang

You see Antiquated Gznang of the Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle, the Fourth Level Wizard.

A slightly overexuberant pugilist.

He is a wizened Agateanish figure. You can tell that he is a wizard, and not only from the hat, but from his eyes, portals threatening to pull you in... Sparks travel erratically accross his body.

He is in good shape.

He is sitting.

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the chest.

Holding : Antique Flank Steak (left hand).

Wearing : a pair of smuggler's seaboots, a grey travelling cloak, a sequinned wizard's hat, a gold and red coral ring, a brass ring, a lapis lazuli earring, a detailed silver oak leaf ring, a nice silver friendship ring, a detailed copper oak leaf ring and an ornate silver oak leaf ring.

Carrying: a small string bag.

People at Uni - Marya

Maven Marya Marshmallow is sitting here, a marmalade cloud is floating in the air here and a proud black duck is standing here.

A shining lotus of ice is spinning atop a raised earthen dais.

Maven Marya Marshmallow's Master Splinter gets pounded by a gust but quickly recovers.

You think you noticed two small blue eyes inside the marmalade cloud, but you are not sure.

>

l marya

The proud black duck frolics all around proudly.

You see Maven Marya Marshmallow the Senior Wizard of the Sages of the Unknown Shadow.

She is moving aggressively towards you!

Pale of skin, covered in freckles and built like a (probably haunted) brickhouse. She has a heavy, muscular body, dark auburn hair and the look of someone who sprinkles nails to her morning porridge and probably enjoys it.

She is in good shape.

She is sitting.

She has a withered midnight rose, a withered dark rose and a withered yellow-orange daffodil neatly braided into her hair.

She is hovering in mid-air.

Her skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the neck.

A Master Splinter floats around her head.

She is enveloped by sparkling black flames.

She has Ninja Turtle Squad floating around her.

Wearing : a pair of grey leather gloves, a shadowy grey raincoat, a dark lavender cravat, a grey leather hat, a gold earring and a mirrored earring.

Carrying: a thread spool, an open embroidery pattern book, a small piece of cigarette paper and a strip of white cloth.

People at Uni - Rienne

You see Mme Rienne Marshmallow of Mrs. Widgery's Lodgers, the Fifth Level Wizard.

 
She is an elf, fey and terrible.
 
Rienne is from Fairyland, a topsy-turvy world where cute little bunnies saw through flesh with razor sharp teeth, shrubberies are used as currency, and the only things holy are the hand grenades. Once a baby sold at a goblin market, she is now the most adorable agent of the fairy queen, from a land where adorable things are invariably fatally dangerous. So paint your roses red, grab that bird by the legs and swing for the hedgehogs, and make sure you keep your head in its fully upright and locked position, because this elf is several cards short of a croquet game. 

She is in good shape.

 
She is standing.
 
Her skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the stomach. 
She has a three star shield floating around her.
 
An elven aura seems to cling to her.
 
She has an elegant hourglass figure.
 
Wearing : a pair of mirrored sunglasses, a pair of glass slippers, a milk white spider silk cape, a milk white spider silk cloak and a pair of crystal acorn earrings. 
Carrying: a fantastical toymaker's cloak, a wizard's pointy hat, a rubber knife, a black top hat, a practicing rope, a bright red yo-yo, a filigreed rowan case and two toy growlers.

People of the Disc - Kalu

You see Kalu the Disreputable Mistress Pickpocket.

She is a strapping young human lass.

Kalu would give you her very last frustum-shaped, caramel filled chocolate. Apart from the fact that if you don't eat it quickly, she'll filch it back from you. She is too nice to be a thief really. Apart from filling her quota for the Ankh-Morpork Guild of Thieves, Kalu can be found plying her skills for the Fang family - Very distant cousins - who, in return, kindly allow her use of their special "printing" facilities. In short, if you need an Agatean birth certificate, or a weapons permit at a price you can easily afford, she's ready to help. Please note though that these are fallible and that some Imperial Guards are more perceptive than others - so carry a spare or two. Kalu's fingers are long, graceful and appear to be slightly stained through regular use of printing ink.

She is in good shape.

She is standing.

Her skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the neck.

She looks rather warm.

Wearing : a pair of mirrored sunglasses, a pair of black soft-soled boots, a grey travelling cloak, six rose rhodonite rings and a blue crystal ring.

People at Uni - Ynnb

You see Ynnb Marshmallow the Green.

Companion to The Nellie.

Ynnb is almost entirely hidden in a voluminous green cloak.

She is in good shape.

She is lying on the leopard print steel grey sofa.

Her skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the face.

She looks unusual, probably due to an extra arm growing from the centre of her chest.

She has a giant turtle shell floating around her.

Holding : a crystal-bladed dagger (left hand), a jagged coral dirk (right hand) and a Klein bottle (chest hand).

Wearing : a pair of forest green gloves and a fine forest green burnous.

People at Uni - Ochrion

You see Octograver Ochrion of the Ancient Order of the Dynastic Crescent, the Eighth Level Wizard.

He is a strapping young human lad.

He is a middle aged wizard, with long scraggly blond hair and a patchy growth of hair on his chin which tries to be a beard. His face is very tanned, making his light grey eyes stand out in a quite odd way. He isn't really fat, but calling him chubby would be a polite way of describing him.

He is in good shape.

He is standing.

His skin looks as elastic as rubber, although it seems weaker around the head.

He has a giant turtle shell floating around him.

He looks rather warm.

Holding : a midnight snow katana (left hand and right hand).

Wearing : a pair of midnight blue men's boots, a finely woven turquoise linen outer robe, a cerulean silk tote bag, a black backpack, a turquoise wizard's pointy hat, an artificer's tool belt, a blue crystal ring, four club badges, a mirrored timepiece, two platinum crescent moon rings, a star sapphire ring, a small leather neck pouch, a twisted black amulet, a rose rhodonite ring and an elegant ring.

People at Uni - Quow

You see Quantum Quow Bell of the Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle, the Seventh Level Wizard.

He is a strapping young human lad.

A bipedal cow, with opposable thumbs, and a friendly face.  Maybe he was once a human, transformed in a freak magical accident into a cow... or once was a regular cow, from which being around too much thaumic radiation lead him to a little more awareness and communication skills than the typical bovine.  Either way, you find yourself craving a glass of milk while looking at him.  Moo.

He is in good shape.

He is sitting.

He has a withered buttercup and a withered bellflower neatly braided into his hair.

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the neck.

He has a giant turtle shell floating around him.

Holding : a jagged coral dirk (left hand) and a Klein bottle (right hand).

Wearing : a pair of black silk gloves and a durable wizard's white cloak.

Carrying: a rose scented candle.

People at Uni - Geryon

You see Geryon Womblesworth the Senior Wizard of Mrs. Widgery's Lodgers.

He is a strapping young human lad.

Geryon is a man of 6'1" and unusually lithe of frame as wizzards go. His hair is blonde, flecked with gray and his eyes are piercing hazel. His eyes regard you with calculating curiosity and shine with a mixture of saintly benevolence and devilish mischief.

He is in good shape.

He is standing.

His skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the face.

He has a giant turtle shell floating around him.

Holding : Fric (left hand) and Frac (right hand).

Wearing : a pair of dark shades, a pair of black soft-soled boots, Pie Mitts, a midnight black chimerahide overcoat, a midnight black wizard's pointy hat and an emerald earring.

Carrying: a hyena right eye, an elephant right eye and a hessian sack.

His purse is fit to burst!