Mugwuddle's Muddling Mirage

What's it called? Mugwuddle's Muddling Mirage (in short, MMM)

What does it do? Well, this spell is actually quite useful, one of my favourite spells, and it becomes quite handy at times. Basically, it makes your victim suffer a hallucination. As long as it lasts, they will feel like they've been transported to some magic, colourful land with wombles, talking rocks and suchlike, and with as many exits as they'd like. The effect is similar to gazing into a zodiac charm, but affects the casted in this case, and it looks more or less like this:

This is a fabulous land. A herd of green, nubile lemurs is flopping about on a purple swamp, while an indigo rock flops nearby.
It is a very weird nibblebing's aftermoon.
There are as many obvious exits as you could wish.

Back in the real world, you will see the victim as 'confused', and wandering randomly from time to time out of the room it is in. They won't be able to speak properly, only wibble. Nevertheless, there are some actions they can still do (e.g. watchmen who were attacking you will still follow you until they suddenly go off the room).
As for the uses of the spell, they are quite evident. Hallucinating people stop fighting at once, and only return again if provoked, breaking the spell, so it comes as a good way to stop fights you don't relish. If in a dangerous area like the Ramtops, the random wandering may lead to humpy-dumptiesque falls too.

Where is it? Being about the conjuring of fantasy and herb-related, lucy in the sky with diamonds like images, it is only fit it should be found in the Cunjuryng for Begynners volume at the Unseen University Library.

What does it require? A mirror, a pipe and a pinch of tobacco. Only the last item is consumed in the process.

What skills do I need? Air, Animating, Summoning, Channeling, Conjuring

Has it worked? The proper output should read something like this:

You prepare to cast Mugwuddle's Muddling Mirage on xxx.
You stuff some tobacco into your pipe and light it, puffing away to generate a good amount of smoke.
You move the clouds of smoke around with your mind, gathering them together.
You reflect light off the mirror, shining it in interesting patterns on the smoke clouds.
You direct the clouds of smoke towards xxx.
You conjure a strange world to confuse xxx.
xxx begins to stare around wide-eyed.

Help Information:

Mugwuddle's Muddling Mirage - Create an illusory land for an opponent.

Mugwuddle's Muddling Mirage is a first-order offensive spell that causes the target to believe that he is in a strange land. It requires a pipe, a pouch of tobacco, and a mirror.

Poetry in motion (2)

'Twas fluffy, and the wibbling goos
Did bing and flibble in the sea,
All wobbled were the kangaroos,
And the wombles did have tea.

"Beware the snark, my son!
The nose that sniffs, the toes that shine.
Beware the flubbib bird,
and shun the floppy pantomime."

He took his prune surprise in hand,
Long time the flatulent foe he tickled!
And rested he by the strawberry tree,
And stood a while in pickles.

And as in Branston Pickle he stood,
The cabbage, with fluffy fronds,
Came bouncing through the field of cows,
And giggled in its bonds.

Four, two! Four two!
The green frog went ribbit,
He left it boggling, and with its coffee table,
He went meandering back.

"And hast thou canoodled the Brassica?
Come to my handuffs, my frog!
Oh Fluffy day, woohoo, hooray,
He wibbled in his joy.

'Twas fluffy, and the wibbling
goos Did bing and flibble in the sea,
All wobbled were the kangaroos,
And the wombles did have tea.

Memories of a Vicious Chicken

What's it called? Memories of a Vicious Chicken (in short, MVC)

What does it do? Memories of a Vicious Chicken is usually the second offensive spell a newbie wizard has access to, and the first to consume a component. Harking back to evil mementos of murdered poultries and assorted fowl play, this spell allows you to throw a feather at a victim, causing it a mild amount of damage.
From its newbie status, it might be supposed that it isn't of much use, as the damage it does in only slightly higher than the Lance's, with the added incomodity of having to carry large numbers of chicken feathers. Therefore, it is seldom employed, as wizards start maxing and spending for others of the offensive persuasion (usually, Firebunnies and the Mist of Doom). Still, if you have the feathers and the mindspace, it is a cute way of finishing off weakened adversaries.

Where is it? Being a very easy to cast thing of the newbie orientation, these Memories may be found in all of the introductory tomes (Begynners' Magick) that are found at the Gyms of all major magical teaching institutions.

What does it require? A chicken feather, which is consumed in the process.

What skills do I need? Healing, Summoning, Animating

Has it worked? The proper output should read something like this:

You prepare to cast Memories of a Vicious Chicken on xxx.
You contemplate chickens, attempting to awaken the life force contained in the feather.
You cluck experimentally.
You wave your feather at xxx.
Your feather flies off and thuds into xxx.

Help Information:

Memories of a Vicious Chicken - A dangerous feather producer.

Memories of a Vicious Chicken is a zeroth order offensive spell that launches a loaded feather at your target.

Drinking spree!

By the way, I did manage to get access to the drinks in the posh bar. As usual, it is just a matter of tricky syntax and trying all the words that appear and might seem likely. 'Syntax move' is your friend here...

As for the contents, which didn't have any aftereffects on me appart from making me drunk, we have the following (and their looks):

Harry "Spider" Graham's Mindblaster

This is a plain-looking drink by cocktail standards, with only two layers, black and white. The only remarkable thing about this drink is that the layers are vertical, a strip of night side by side with a strip of light. There is about one tablespoon.

Vern "Lost" Heisenwurm's Possibly Potion

This very, very sticky drink is layered in bright hues of orange, blue, turquoise and pink. That alone should be enough warning to anyone who wishes to retain functional braincells. There is about one tablespoon.

Winkle's Old Peculiar

There are a few things that will make a Morporkian miss their home when they're in forn parts, and this beer is one. While Winkle's Old Peculiar is known to have killed quite a few people and (rumour has it) two horses, it is still one of the finest products of Ankh-Morpork.

Yusuf "Camels" Al Hazam's Sphinx Extractor

A sand coloured liquid which moves with a viscosity one would do well to be wary of. Strange sounds - of battle, music and camels - emerge at irregular intervals. There is about one tablespoon.

Jym "Wheelbarrows" Maxwell's Exploding Miasma

An odd-looking drink, this one, a pale blue liquid with yellow bubbles swirling through it. There is about one tablespoon.

Schorn "Tulip" Jacobs' Gastric Grinding

This drink is black, with little purple bubbles erupting on the surface. No sane person would want to know its ingredients, especially after drinking it. There is about one tablespoon.

Old Aged Sherry

This is sherry, a high class drink for high class establishments. Nowhere else would they let wine go rotten. There is about one tablespoon.

Matured Scumble

You take on a look of vague intentness. A slurping sound emerges from the crystal glass, and the smell of alcohol wafts stronger for a second.

Master Woddeley’s Luminescent Companion

What's it called? Master Woddeley’s Luminescent Companion (in short, MWLC)

What does it do? This is one of two light spells, which will help you for seeing in the dark if you are rather remiss at the guild point expenditure caused by yellow rings, or if as yet you are too poor (or too in danger) to buy yourself a permalight. The spell is easy to cast, but the blue light created tends to be a bit disliked, as it can be quite spammy, doesn't last for very long and can frequently be attacked by mistake (and a tough little bugger it is! syntax 'shoo' is your friend here). It can also only be cast on oneself, as opposed to other light forms and spirits.
Overall, it is quite a useful spell for the young wizard, though, and as stated, easy to cast.

Where is it? As one of the elemental spells for bringing about little beings from nothing-land, it is fit that it should lie inside the Cunjuryng for Begynners volume at the Unseen University Library

What does it require? nothing at all.

What skills do I need? Evoking, Channeling, Animating

Has it worked? The proper output should read something like this:

You prepare to cast Master Woddeley's Luminescent Companion.
You gaze off into the distance.
You hold your hand up in the air and call the light to it.
You close your fist slowly, drawing the light in with it.
A small blue light darts into the area and zips around you.

Help Information:

Master Woddeley's Luminescent Companion - A following light companion.

Master Woddeley's Luminescent Companion is a miscellaneous type spell which creates an animated ball of light to follow the caster.

Happy Hogswatch!

So... after much trying (even though now I am greatly absorbed by the perspectives and efforts of joining a Coffee Nostra family in Genua), I finally managed to navigate a lattice in the Unseen University cafeteria, gaining access to a new space: a posh outdoor bar only senior Wizards generally seem to be able to enjoy...

The maze of the lattice seems clear to you as you navigate your way through an opening.
The central feature of this bar is a tall cabinet wrapping around three of the four sides, with a long sideboard covering the fourth. Behind them is nothing but sky. A lush carpet lies underfoot, and several deep chairs are scattered around the platform, each accompanied by a small side table. The mood is one of sombre yet overpowering opulence.
It is a pleasantly warm autumn prime's morning with almost no wind and a beautifully clear sky.
There are no obvious exits.
The Green Slab box is near the entrance.
>
You whisper into the Sung family crest.
(Wizards) Winswand's wispy voice comes from the Sung family crest, saying: ok... got in!

>look cabinet
The alcoholic credentials of this bar are displayed along three of the four sides in this platform. On each corner of the platform sits a short, fat column of white marble. Resting on these are thin sheets of granite, coloured a deep arterial red. Under the sheets sit vats, some made of glass, others from ancient-looking oak or pitted and scratched metal. There appears to be no way to move the contents of the vats into a handy receptacle, but no doubt those entitled to be here know the secret.

>look columns
The columns supporting the top of the cabinet are white marble. They are inset with gold veins which wind around in glittering spiderwebs.

>look spiderwebs
An intricate golden tracery adorns the white columns, lending that touch of tasteless ostentation that just yodels "Wizard".

>look vats
Several large vats sitting under the counter hold the alcoholic contents of this bar. Most seem to be made from glass, and contain sticky, brightly coloured liquids, but others are of oaken construction, well weathered by time. Still others have been formed from metal which has been scarred where caustic liquids have bestowed their touch. Each one is sitting under a well-polished gold plaque, which presumably lists their contents.

>read plaques
Harry "Spider" Graham's Mindblaster
Vern "Lost" Heisenwurm's Possibly Potion
Winkle's Old Peculiar
Yusuf "Camels" Al Hazam's Sphinx Extractor
Jym "Wheelbarrows" Maxwell's Exploding Miasma
Schorn "Tulip" Jacobs' Gastric Grinding
Old Aged Sherry
Matured Scumble

>look sideboard
Continuing the theme of the cabinet, long strips of red rock stretch along the southern edge of this platform, forming a series of shelves.
On the sideboard are an ornate decanter, four crystal glasses and three crystal goblets.

>look decanter in sideboard
This extremely ornate decanter has been fashioned from intricately moulded crystal. Several upswellings of crystal resemble roses, each with a shimmering octarine at the centre.
It is in excellent condition.
It is open.

>look glass in sideboard
This glass has been fashioned from crystal, with a small octarine set into the base.
It is in excellent condition.

>look goblet in sideboard
This goblet has been fashioned from crystal, patterned with a ring of birds around the rim.
It is in excellent condition.
It is open.

>look carpet
The thick carpet is a blue so dark it is almost black. Points of glitter catch any available light, transforming the floor into a small, sparkling galaxy. It is speckled with many holes.

>look holes
Several holes have been cut out of the floor, to allow access for some highly polished pipes. Several of the holes are circular, but some of them are more exotic in nature.
Some of the holes in the floor are the best proof that this room doesn't exist in the set of dimensions commonly referred to as reality. The one shaped like a four cornered triangle is evidence enough.

>look chairs
The chairs scattered around are deep leather, thickly padded and black as midnight. They have curving arms which enfold the sitter, and a high back which protects the occupant from ambitious fellow wizards, as well as functioning as a pillow in times of need.

>look tables

Each chair is paired with a side table, cut from pine wood that looks whiter than pine wood has any right to be. Small black doilies decorate their surfaces, without which their tops would be mazes of overlapping circles.

I haven't found yet a way of getting my drinks, so if you have any suggestions, pray do tell, as I am dead thirsty...

Poetry in Motion

Inside the Unseen University, and aside from its dangerous grimoires, there's 2 other books that can be read. One is Woddeley's Occult Primer (and we've already talked about that one). The other is a 'closed slim book' that 'does not have anything written on it' (until you open it, that is).

I ignore who might have wrote the three poems that appear on it. Looks like some mischievous student work (but then 'work' and 'student' are oxymoronic words).

The first poem goes like this:

She was so beautiful,
And yet she could not stay with me,
Taken from me,
Back to the Lost Domain,
Away from the World of Men.

I held her and wept,
Weeping into her reddish-brown hair,
Wishing I could go with her,
But knowing that I could not;
Wishing that she could stay with me,
But knowing that she could not.
I looked at her,
At her dark brown eyes,
Pools of darkness, into which
I could fall,
And be lost forever.

Suddenly, something (inside?)
Took control of me,
And I cried out
As I let go of her,
And fell down.

I blacked out but could see
And hear what was about me,
But she was gone,
Back to the Lost Domain,
Away from the World of Men.

And now, all I have
Is a painting,
A fair replica,
But not fair enough,
With her hair and her eyes,
But not her smile.

Did she feel sad
At going from me,
Back to the Lost Domain,
Away from the World of Men?

The World of Men is now but a poor shadow,
And the Lost Domain has stolen my heart.